Waiting...

"waiting" defined:  to stay in place in expectation of, to remain stationary in readiness or expectation, to look forward expectantly, to be ready and available

(notice that the definition does not include "wallowing in despair, questioning, or feeling sorry for oneself")

there are at least 50 references to "wait" in the Bible.
 
"do you have a kid yet?" 
"so you're just waiting for the call?"  
"what's going on, why don't you have a kid yet?"  
"since it's taken this long to get a kid, do you think maybe you heard God wrong?"

i have been waiting for almost 8 weeks now for my first foster placement.   if i'm honest, there is a small part of me that wants to ask "really God?  you have me waiting on something - again?!"  i've done lots of waiting in my lifetime:  waiting for the first boy to ask me out, waiting for God to whisper His plans for my life, waiting for my heart to heal, waiting for my future husband to show up.  i guess He thinks i'm pretty good at it  :)  

and i AM pretty good at it.  but not because i'm "used to it", not because i've "been there, done that".  i am pretty good at it because i know that i serve a God who is faithful to complete the good work He has begun.  He is reminding me that when i have waited on Him in the past, He has always - ALWAYS - been faithful.  that first boy did ask me out, God did whisper His plans for my life, my heart did heal.  so i can be confident and trust that foster babies (and yes, a husband too!) will come.  and they will come at just the right time.  not when i want them to, but when God needs them to.  He is faithful.  every. single. time.  

i guess what i'm trying to communicate is that there's a RIGHT way to wait, and a WRONG way to wait.   and i'm here to tell ya, i have not always chosen the right way - not by a long shot!  in the past, i did plenty of wallowing, questioning, and feeling sorry for myself in my times of waiting.  but in the present, Jesus has opened my eyes to His truth in the waiting.  His Word says time and time again that when i rely on Him in the waiting, i am heard, i am blessed, i experience His goodness, i will not be ashamed, my strength will be renewed, i will receive the glorious things that God has prepared for me.  now that's some good stuff!  therefore, i will strive to rely on Him in the waiting, and not rely on my feelings.  i want to wait in the right way.  will i always succeed?  probably not.  but all i have to do is open the Bible to be reminded of the right way and to walk in it.  

It is not yet time for the message to come true,
       but that time is coming soon;
       the message will come true.
    It may seem like a long time,
       but be patient and wait for it,
    because it will surely come;
       it will not be delayed.

Habakkuk 2:3

With Honor

ohhhhhhh my!  so it's been two months since i've blogged last.  oopsies!  honestly, there hasn't been anything to blog about.  but in about a month, i feel quite certain that there will be LOTS to blog about!!  yep - i'll have a kiddo or two within the month, if all goes as planned.  i have my final home visit on the 13th, and i've got most of my other little ducks in a row.  i have had so much fun putting "the kid room" together.  i must go by and peek in the room 100 times a day.  i imagine the little bodies that will sleep in the beds.  i imagine their hurt.  their brokenness.  their sadness.  their anger.  their shame.  and then i imagine the love of Jesus washing all of that away.  bringing beauty from the ashes.  ahhhhh, what a gift to be able to be a part of God's big plan in this way. 

all morning long, the Lord has been reminding me of all the a-ma-zing people He has placed in my path to bring me to where i am today.  i mean, all. morning. long.  i have been brought to tears thinking about these people - the people who believed in me, who saw something in me that i didn't see.  i believe that the Lord allowed each of these people to see me through His eyes.  and then i was able to see myself as He sees me.  so cool.  so today, in this little blog that few people read (ha!), i honor them.

my mama - my mama raised me all on her own, with zero financial help.  i have always admired her so much for that.  i never remember "wanting" for anything.  she always provided.  she was the picture of strength and courage.  and she has never told me this, but i'm 100% certain that she prayed me to where i am today in my relationship with the Lord.  thank you, ma, for modeling for me how to be a strong, secure, courageous woman of God.  today, i honor you. 

"the original six" + lynn - after graduating from college, i prayed earnestly for a church family.  a group of people who would bring me a casserole if i was sick (yes, i literally prayed for that!).  a group of people who loved me and supported me, faults and all.  well, the Lord answered that prayer and then some when he brought me my cherished girlfriends at First United Methodist of Birmingham!  these women are more like family than friends - they have seen the best of steph and the worst of steph.  they were my first taste of Jesus-luvin'-people in the church.  i cherish them so.  jill, anne, fran, katy, lindsay, and lynn - today, i honor you.

ms. caroleen - i will never forget browsing through the Church of the Highlands small groups directory in january 2007.  i had never stepped foot into the actual church at that point, but had just completed my first small group and was hungry for more.  i came across a beth moore study that caught my eye, and asked my friend about the leader of the group.  i said "who is caroleen hodges?  have you heard if she's a good leader?"  my friend's eyes got so wide i thought they'd pop out of her head, and she said "uhmmm, that would be Pastor Chris' MOM!  and YES, she is a good leader!"  well, i joined that group, and was forever changed.  ms. caroleen took a special interest in me, and would meet with me at panera bread to answer questions i had and to speak truth and life into my spirit.  i know that i know that i know that meeting her was God designed, and i would not be where i am today without her.  thank you, ms. caroleen, for following God's nudge to "take me on" all those years ago!  you mean so much to me, and i love you.  today, i honor you. 

alison and martine - yes, these two just go together!  both alison and martine taught me that i can:  1)  pray out loud in front of others (what?!) and 2) hear God's voice actually speaking to me (you've gotta be kidding me!!).  before meeting alison, i had never ever ever ever felt comfortable praying in front of other people.  ugh, it made my tummy ache to even think about it!  i had zero confidence.  zero.  zilch.  nada.  she was the one who helped me overcome that fear, and i am forever thankful!  she would just say "i need you to pray over me" - and she didn't mean:  go home and in your quiet time remember to pray for me.  no.  she meant:  let's go to your car right now and i want you to pray - out. loud.  - over me.  while i had major anxiety and fear about doing that, i knew that i couldn't wimp out and say "i'm sorry, you're not worthy of my angst-ridden out loud prayers."  so i did it.  and i did it often.  and i can now comfortably pray for others out loud  :)  alison, i am so thankful for your friendship and your influence.  today, i honor you.  martine taught me about what she called "listening prayer", where you ask God to speak to you and. He. does.  i always secretly envied those who said they heard God's voice - i thought His voice was reserved for the super-spiritual, in-every-bible-study-known-to-man crowd.  i never ever thought it was for me.  but it is for me.  and it's for you too.  it's for all of His children.  martine, i am so grateful for this powerful truth you taught me.  i love you and i miss you!  today, i honor you. 

katy, lucy, cindy - each of these amazing women of God saw me as a leader in the church.  something i never thought would apply to me.  i mean, i couldn't pray out loud, remember?!  but each of these women spoke words of life into me, encouraged me, saw greatness in me, saw Jesus in me.  because of these ladies, i have the honor and privilege of serving in leadership at Church of the Highlands.  they have taught me that the best leaders are servants.  ladies, i love your servant hearts and i treasure your friendships.  thank you for believing in me.  today, i honor you. 

these are by all means not all the people who have influenced my life - there are countless others.  to anyone who has ever loved me, encouraged me, believed in me - i honor you too.  i love the way the Lord weaves us all together, and He does it for His. purpose.  when i look back, i see that He completely ordered my steps to come to the place He has me right now.  foster mama.  mama to the mamaless.  loving like Jesus.  emptying of steph.  filling up with Jesus.  Jesus, without You, i am nothing.  You are my everything.  You order my steps.  i am forever grateful.  Jesus, today, i honor you. 

"Happy Mother's Day!"

Tomorrow night, I'll have foster mama training class #3 of 9.  Yesterday, I walked with my new friend Kristin in a 5K to raise awareness for foster care.  Tuesday, my team at school is hosting a "foster kid shower" for me at school.  Today is Mother's Day.  I received "Happy Mother's Day!" texts from friends and family, and several enthusiastic "Happy Mother's Day!" from friends at church.  As I reflect on what has happened since that day in October 2011 when the Lord whispered His Heart's desires to me, I have one thought.  Only God.  Only God could write this story - a story about a "100% Jesus Girl", whose only desire is to live fully in His will - even though she sometimes feels ill equipped, alone, and scared to death.  Yet, she is willing to step out in faith, and be obedient to His calling - fully knowing that He will fully equip her (Hebrews 13:21), always be by her side (Psalm 139:7-10), and abolish all of her fear (2 Timothy 1:7).  Only God, indeed. 

The Word says that every day of my life was ordained before I was even born (Psalm 139:16).  That means that He already knows the exact kids I will have in my home.  On this Mother's Day, will you join me in praying for those kids and their birth moms?  I fully believe that my ministry in foster care is one thing, and one thing only - to be the love of Jesus for the families that the Lord has already chosen to be a part of my life through foster care.  Will you begin to pray now that their hearts will be open to hear The Good News?  And that I will, at all times, be a vessel that the Lord can use (2 Timothy 2:20-21)?

Happy Mother's Day to all the moms reading these words!  Your children arise, and call you blessed (Proverbs 31:28)!  Walk out your motherhood each day fully knowing and believing that the God Who created you has fully equipped you, will always be by your side, and abolishes all of your fears.  AMEN!  xxoo

This is the assigned moment...

Tonight, the very assignment that the Lord designed for me before I was even formed in my mother's womb begins.  It baffles my little pea-sized mind.  For the past few weeks at church, the messages have focused on discovering our God-designed purpose. The Lord has whispered His plans for years, but it took shouting for me to finally hear His voice.  He has been saying to me for quite some time, "more of ME Steph - less of you".  You see, I grew up an only child - just me and my mama.  I am almost 40 and have never been married. I haven't had a roommate in many years.  I am selfish.  I am most of the time "all about me".  As a follower of Christ, "all about me" does. not. work.  Actually, it does. not. exist.  The gospel calls us to love God and love OTHERS.  John 3:30 in The Message says it like this:  "This is the assigned moment for Him to move into the center, while I slip off to the sidelines." God is calling me beyond myself.  And I don't like it.  And it's scary.  And it's uncomfortable.  And it's unknown.  And it's His heart.

I have always wondered "why am I living and breathing on this planet?"  About two years ago, I just flat out asked the Lord "what is the ministry You have for me?"  I sat there in the quiet and waited until I heard His answer.  I heard Him say "babies and children".  I work with children every day, but that answer still surprised me.  I knew He did not mean my daily job, so I was unsure of what that entailed.  Honestly, I dismissed it.  Two years later, He reminded me - and spoke loudly and clearly this time.  Sitting in the sanctuary at The Church at Brook Hills, listening to 23 year old Katie Davis speak, His plan for me was revealed.  He wants me to be a foster mama.  A single, tired, money-stretched, 40 year old mama to a child I do not know.  Webster's dictionary defines "foster" as this:  sharing nurture or parental care, though not related by blood or legal ties.  Honestly, I am not even a good Aunt to my own nieces and nephews.  But yet - God chose me.  More of Him.  less. of. me. 

With my hand in His, let's do this thing.