Dear Savannah,
my sweet Baby Girl. one year ago today, i got the phone call i had been waiting a long time for. Ms. Casey called and told me that she had a 4 month old little girl who needed a safe, loving home for a little while. i took about half a second to pray, and i said yes! i was crazy excited, and crazy nervous all at the same time! a BABY! i had never even thought about getting a baby, i was thinking about a kid over 3 years old who already knew how to potty and dress itself and follow directions. :) but when Ms. Casey said "baby", my heart skipped a beat. a baby. so i immediately called SuSu and told her "I'M GETTING A BABY IN FOUR HOURS, GET HERE QUICK!" i rushed home, cleaned like crazy, and then you arrived. you were fast asleep in your car seat, bald-headed and beautiful. i didn't know in that moment how the Lord would use you to change my world - and the worlds of MANY - forever. you, my baby girl, are a world changer.
over the next seven months, you stole my heart. sure, you screamed every time i put you in your car seat, and you continued to scream until you fell asleep; you woke me up most nights because you wanted another bottle, so i was often sleep deprived; you refused to cuddle with me, always hopping out of my lap a split-second after i placed you there. :) ohhhhhh, but we danced. a duet, designed by the Master Choreographer - He knew that we would be perfect partners. we are good together.
Pastor Max prayed over both of us one night, and God gave him a word to share. he said to me, "you may think 'oh, i'm here to "save" this baby girl'. but the truth is, this baby girl has saved you." truer words have never been spoken. you restored the joy in my heart. you confirmed that God designed me for this purpose. you awakened a love so deep, i had forgotten that kind of love existed. and you taught me that true living is living beyond myself. less. of. me.
BG, people wonder how i can love a child with all my heart - as if you were my very own - the way i love you....then let you go. i tell them that i, mama steph, cannot. i was not designed to. i cried buckets of tears, and wailed and wallowed aplenty, utterly heartbroken when you left. BUT. GOD. but God, in all of His sweetness and faithfulness, He wrapped me up in His big Daddy arms and reminded me that He's got you. before He ever spoke the words "let there be light", He knew your story. and His word promises that your story has a happy ending, that it is full of hope and not harm. amen. BG, i have said this many times: i'm positive that you are the most prayed-for baby that has ever lived!! i mean, like, for real. so i trust. and hear me when i say that you, my precious one, are worth every tear shed and the immense pain my heart experienced. you are worthy. you are worthy. you. are. worthy.
so on this one year anniversary of your "birth" into my family, i celebrate you, my "first born". i celebrate the beautiful, smart, inquisitive, always-dancing baby girl you are today. and i celebrate the beautiful, smart, inquisitive, always-dancing big girl you will become. i have no doubt, the Lord has ginormous plans for your life. people are drawn to you like a magnet. i've never seen anything like it. the Lord will use that to His glory, no doubt. may you always know that you are loved. that you are precious. that you are beautiful. that you are worthy. that you are His.
i love you all the way up to Heaven's angels and back. you will always be my baby girl.
xxoo, mama steph
